Ah go on, go on watch this video of me Naming of sexual parts in Irish
Us Irish girls had the privilege of having the Latin and Irish dictionaries, as well as the English and French ones, for our sexual education. According to Peter Cooke and Dudley Moore you needed Latin to be a judge ‘ you need the latin for the judging’ Pete said to Dud. Ireckon you need the Latin for the sexing. At the ‘Oz’ trial the judge asked for an explanation of cunnilingus for those who didn’t have a Latin education. The English translation he was offered was ‘yodelling up the canyon’ which seemed to satisfy him. No one seems to know why fellatio is called a ‘blow job’ in English when only sucking is involved.
Maybe it was D H Lawrence’s fault. He went on and on about his John Thomas- the King of Glory ‘rising all hot from its flame red hair’- him having ginger pubes. For some reason when you combine cunnilingus and fellatio it goes all French and becomes soixante neuf.
It is no wonder us colleens turned to the Irish dictionary for our sexual enlightenment -although strange things happen as something gets lost in translation and you soon find out who was is in charge of compiling dictionaries. Of course, it was men and it is dangerous for us to leave them in charge of naming of our sexual parts.
The Irish for clitoris is brille but when you check brille in the Irish section you won’t find clitoris but ‘vulgar gossip’. The bastards have performed clitorodectomy with a stroke of a pen.
The Irish for vulva is ‘pit’ but in the gaelic section you find our vulva is still there but they have also added ‘ a shelless crab’ . They are sadists.
The Irish for vagina is ‘faighean’ which is pronounced fine but, wait for it, it is also the Irish for condom. If you get sexually intimate with a gaelic speaking Irishman who asks ‘Bhfuil faighean agat’? he is probably asking you if you have a condom on you rather than if you have a vagina and thus casting aspersions on your gender.
The gaelic for penis is ‘bod’ and bod is also the Irish for lout. Well, that feels like a little bit of female revenge for the way they have mucked about with our genitalia. ‘Bod an bothair’ translates to penis of the road but is, in fact, the Irish for tramp. The literal translation for ‘Bod mor’ is big penis but it is, in fact, the Irish for a ling which is a fish and probably the origin of the silly song ‘My ding-a- ling’.
The Irish for vibrator is ‘tonnchreathaire’ but that literally translates to a wave machine. So watch out, if you are trying to buy a vibrator in Connemara or any Gaelic speaking area because you might be fobbed off with a curling tongs!
Here is a final bit of gaelic translation for you. The Irish for dictionary is Focloir which is pronounced ‘fuck lore’. Honestly I am not making this up!
Irish is an interesting language and I hope that my little piece on the naming of sexual parts ‘as ghaeilge’ does not deter you from learning a little about this lovely language. Brian Friel wrote a wonderful play called ‘Translations’ which was about the English ordnance surveyors coming over to Ireland to try to translate placenames into English. This, of course, was about the colonisers and their hatred of native peoples speaking their own language- ‘a language the strangers do not know/yet they came and tried to teach us their ways/and blamed us for being what we are/but they might as well go chasing after moonbeams/or light a penny candle from a star.’ That is quote from the song Galway Bay.
It is the powerful who are usually in charge of naming and in omission too. Feminists, like Dale Spender in her excellent book ‘Man-made language’ elucidated this and named female experiences like ‘sexual harassment’ showing how important it is to name an entity before we can speak about and challenge it.
I have noted elsewhere that the masons who made the Sheela-na-Gig figures never managed to give her a clitoris they too committed clitorodectemy which is, undoubtedly, a manifestation of ‘clitoral envy’ that we have our clitoris just for sexual pleasure whereas their genital equipment is, in fact, a blunt instrument – a three-in-one tool used for urination, procreation and sexual gratification. It is evident that Molly Bloom in Ulysses did not think very highly of the male member. ‘What does a man look like -standing there with his two bags full and the other thing sticking up at you – like a hat rack? Sure it’s no wonder they hide it under a cabbage leaf’. Of course, I agree with Molly.