Sheela-na-Gig aka Jeanne Rathbone

The phallic tie.

The tie is a phallic symbol par excellence having replaced the cop-piece. So, it is both a phallic symbol and a cod-piece – a giggle stick- according to Sheela-na-Gig who knows about these things.

The Phallic Tie

It is preposterous and decidedly kinky that it is also an essential part of ENFORCED SCHOOL UNIFORMS in BRITAIN. Why don’t schoolchildren rebel against this infringement of their civil liberites?

The tie is a piece of cloth that men wear around their necks. It serves no useful purpose except as an inadequate bib or dribbler especially when eating curries. They are so PHALLIC, silly and pointless.

The tie is always longer than twelve inches and it points down to a man’s genital equipment or as I prefer to call it -call it their blunt instrument- as it is a three-in-one tool. It is used for urination, procreation and sexual gratification whereas we have our clitoris-our exquisite bud just for sexual pleasure alone.

So why is the TIE often compulsory wear for schoolchildren in Britain?

St.Patrick should have used his willy, instead of the shamrock (which is gaelic for little clover) to explain the weird idea of the Holy Trinity – the three-Gods-in one of your Christians.   I am certain that the Irish Free State would not have adopted the male organ as a national symbol – imagine a penis on the side of an Aer Lingus aeroplane or tourist tea-towels full of pinkish pricks. This would have made Ireland a gay destination and there would be an alternative Matchmakers Festival in Lisdoonvarna, with bachelors seeking bachelors. They would probably be more attractive than the single hetero men who put themselves forward for the American women  seeking Irish husbands.

From wikipedia  you learn that originally the piece of fabric around the neck was called a cravat derived from the French for Croat. This  Croatian crack regiment came to Paris in 1660 after a victory over the Ottomans and its officers wore colourful silk handerchief around their necks and Louis IV loved this new fashion accessory and even established a regiment named The Royal Cravattes.

With the Industrial Revolution came the forerunner of the modern tie which was long, thin, easy to knot and for daily use.Then in 1926 a New York tie maker, Jesse Langsdorf came up with a method of cutting the fabric on the bias and sewing it in three segments. Before the Second World War ties were worn shorter than they are today; this was due, in part, to men wearing trousers at the natural waist. Around 1944 ties started to become not only wider, but wilder. This reflected the returning GIs’ desire to break with wartime uniformity. Widths reached 5″. The typical length was 48″.The 1960s brought about an influx of pop art influenced designs. The first was designed by a chap called Michael Fish-the term Kipper was a pun on the name because there was a chap called Michael Fish who was a well known TV weatherman.

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